We were invited to Gabe’s Sister’s Boyfriend’s Best Friend’s lake house this weekend.  I assure you that I know how I could have made that so very much easier to read, but until I can call him my Brother In Law, I have vowed to make it as complicated as possible.  So there!  I’m really letting her have it, huh!!

ANYHOO…so there was this lake and this house.  There was also this boat.  And, this boat went weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  And, also?  There was this little boy.  And a rope.  And a tube.  You put it together.

Watching my son go tubing for the first time in his little life was the scariest, yet most hilarious thing I have ever witnessed.  When I asked my sister in law Vanessa how many tubing accidents she thought there were a year, she replied, “a handful…and they were all on this lake.”  She’s a smart ass alright, but her point was made.  But there was my kid, being flung too and fro, suspended from this very fast boat by a peice of dental floss.  Its a bit scary.  He made it, though.  He’s still alive.

And, he’d go back there in a heartbeat.  it was the best time of his life, indeed.

Holden was back there Running His Mouth the entire time he was speeding over those bumpy waters.  I said to the crew, “He’s a superhero.  He’s out there talking to Mission Control.  He’s fighting bad guys, I know thats what he’s talking about!”

Sure enough, this kid falls off, we go fish him out of the lake and he gets on board saying, “…and there’s these bad guys called Waveys, and I’m like in Outer Space ‘cept its under water, and there’s blodgers, but not like in Harry Potter…”

I knew it!  I love this kid for his imagination!

I tried with the tubing, and I had fun, for sure!  But.  Yeah, not so much did my body.  For it is achy in places that I would never have thought would get achy from tubing.  Like my breasts.  Why?  I can barely lift my arms up.  Gah.  The pain.  Plus I have a nifty bruise on my thigh from being flung and bounce over the water when my dear BH fell of the tube we were on together.  Good stuff.

At least those kind of bruises are good for telling people that your husband beats you.  At least I have a lie to tell. 

I’m not lying (okay, I’m just gonna be straight with y’all, and let you know that first?  I spelled it lieing…) when I tell you that I have not had a cigarette in a whole week.  I am not even messing around with this quitting thing.  AND?  Nor have I killed anyone in that week.  I am batting 1.000*, friends!

And, to top it all off, we are walking every night after dinner.  I know, right?  Erin is probably going to stop talking to me altogether now.

Here’s where I’m going with all this health business:  I want to go organic.  Ish.  And, my complaint is that its so expensive.  Yet, I have no problem paying four thousand dollars for a pack of smokes.  Makes no sense to me.  AND, if I buy organic foods which are suppose to be better for you, the environment and the world, yet still smoke, what sense does this make?  None, thats what kind.

So, I’m just trying to put my organic carrots where my cigarettes were.

Yeah.  The walks…we go as a family, and Dharma dog comes too.  Except we are like the worlds worst dog owners, and we’ve never taken her to training, and she is a horrible walker.  She pulls, and its just miserable.

So I bought a halti.  If you don’t agree with these methods, just shut yer pie hole, cuz I don’t give a rat’s patootie what you think about them.  Tonite was our first walk with it, and while Dharm tried her hardest to shake it off her face, it was the most relaxed walk I’ve had with this pooch.  Soon she will learn, and then I will not make her wear it on walks anymore.  If it makes you feel any better, I gave her a scoop of ice cream afterwards, as a treat.  And, holy cripe, if you are one of those people who don’t believe in giving your dog treats: again, with the shutting of your yapper.

So basically, “Jen!  What have you been doing lately?”
“Oh, me?  Well, I’ve been putting the smack down on some bad habits, bitches!”

*Thats “a thousand”  BH didn’t think you’d understand the reference.