Initially?  I thought that this would be the place that I would grieve the most.  But, its become apparent that I don’t do public grief.  There have been a handful of times where I have sat right here and started writing, and then just completely lost the will to hit “publish”.  Don’t take it personally.  I haven’t been publishing anything lately.  I have been too busy watching reruns of Roseanne.  A show, which I may add, my mother never ever let us watch.  It was too “vulgar” said she.  Say I?  I think it hit too close to home.  Because if my family were a sitcom it would definitely be Roseanne.  I don’t know which kid would be whom, but I know Dan is my dad and Rosie is my mom, for sure.

But, when I really sit down and think of it, the real reason I have not been here is because then I would feel like I have to apply for jobs and write up my resume.  Daunting.  Having had the same job for 10 years, and having gotten that job on sheer personality (I was wearing a short black skirt…will get you the job everytime…as long as you are 21), it really goes without saying that I haven’t needed a resume for a really long time.

And, when I think of why I don’t want to do the aforementioned, it is because I haven’t really wanted to Move On.  Not that I have been stymied by my grief; as I mentioned, I don’t really do grieving.  That is not to say I haven’t cried into my pillow a few nights, but in general, I’m really okay.  I’m okay-er than the others in my family (my father) who has chosen to hole himself up in his bat cave and frown all the time.  AND I KNOW, okay?  I know that everybody is different and everybody has to Get Over Things in their own time.  But, in my head I say, Stuff it, okay?  Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Ole Boy.  Go to work and make Mama proud.

Enough of all that.

What I’m trying to say is that I do so appreciate all the kind words.  I really do.  And all the olive branches that I have so ignored over the past couple of weeks.  Especially the ones from you and you.  You know who you are.  I love you dearly, and honestly, I haven’t been ignoring you.  I’ve just been ignoring everybody because, obviously, I am a selfish prick.  One of my favorite lines from Dead Poets Society is “Oh!  We’re not laughing at you.  We are laughing near you.”  That’s just how its been.

So.  With that said, I’m going to a) do my effing stupid resume and then b) play catchup at reading all my favorites.

And since Erin writes like four hundred times a week, this is going to take me some time.

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