When I was shoveling my driveway for THREE EFFING HOURS this morning, a whole slew of thoughts were in my head.  Also, there was a great deal of snot dangling off my nose.  Dont worry.  I wiped it with my glove.  Dont worry.  I bought the gloves at the Dollar Store, so its allllll good.

One of the thoughts was the title to this post.  Though, now that I’m writing, and none of the thoughts are coming back to me, the title seems a bit out of place.  I think there was going to be a lot of effings and such.  Because of the shoveling.  Oh, and there was also going to be a Frosty the Snow BITCH.  But, I’m kind of over my Snow Anger.  A little.  My shoulders are very sore.  I wish we had a fricking snow blower.  That is my one Christmas wish.

I did not make the Gingerbread Men this weekend.  But, I redeemed myself this afternoon, and then my kid totally stood me up on the decorating because he really wanted to watch Inspector Gadget.  Bah Humbug.  I made him decorate two.  Then he was just goofing off and not making faces on these Gingerbread People and I thought they would get pissed off at me for not having noses, and come after me at night whilst I slept, so Inspector Gadget it was.  I put faces on those things, I will tell you that.  And also?  They are Dlishus!  I’ve never made them before, so I am quite proud of myself.

Inside the Actor’s Studio played a 2002 show with Johnny Depp.  I want to crawl into his mouth and swim in his saliva.  I’m not even joking, here.  I actually want to be in his mouth.  I don’t care that he’s not washed his hair in eight years.  This only makes him more attractive to me.  Even though he says “you know?” a lot.  I would make him dress like a pirate and shiver me timbers. 

Perhaps that’s the PG-13 part?

The other night John Cusack was on ITAS.  It was then that I realized I really was in love with Lloyd Dobler, because the actual John Cusack is kinda annoying.

I’m not reading anything right now because I’m getting ready for the motherlode of books that will hopefully be shoved into my stocking for Christmas.  I asked for Run by Ann Patchett and Middlesex by that person who wrote it.  Then when I was at the bookstore the other day, I saw that Dennis Lehane has a new book of shorts that is out, and this made me happy and I immediately called BH at work and told him to get on it. 

As a general rule, I don’t read series.  I don’t want to get involved with the same people over and over.  I’m already married.  But, something about Dennis Lehane makes me want to read every single book Patrick and Angela are in.  And, I don’t even really like crime/suspense or whatever genre these books are.  So, I really want this book. 

While I was at the bookstore, I found Holden this book.  We have most of these books.  Piratology, Wizardology, Dragonology and Fairyopolis.  Oh, and also the Wandmaker.  Holden needed the Wizardology handbook to “complete his course” in becoming a Wizard.  This kid really thinks that he’s going to be a wizard.  I’m all for it.  After he completes his course in Wizardness then he thinks I’m going to allow him to take the wand out of the Wandmaker book and use it.

Listen ducks.  I wanted that Wandmaker book with everything that was in me.  My friend Kellie got it for me for my birthday, and it probably was the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten for my birthday.  Until I realized that there was an actual wand in the back.  NOW, I am a Christian, for sure, but I do believe in majic.  Not the hocus pocus kind, but I believe in powers.  And, I’m just not real sure if I’m a good witch, or a bad witch, and I sure as hell was not going to give that wand a whirl not knowing exactly what kind of powers I have!  Who knows who I would accidentally kill with that thing.

Holden loves that wand, and wants to get it out so bad.  I’m not sure what his powers are either.  In the back of the Wizardology book it says that if you can see yourself right side up in this crystal thingamabob then you are a wizard.  I told Holden when that happens, he can have that wand, for sure.

Seriously.  If that does happen?  I’m getting the hell out of dodge.  Well…First I’ll make him *poof* me a snowblower.  But immediately after; I’m outta dodge fer sure.

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