I was shopping in the Walmarts today and I drooled on myself.  I’m not really sure how in the hell that one happened, but it did.  One minute I’m bending over to pick up some Cheezits, and the next, I’m slurping spittle back into my mouth.  What’d you expect me to do?  Spit on the Walmarts floor?  I spit on YOU!!

I bought my Gramma one of those new Tickle Me Elmo gadgets for Christmas.  It will tickle ME watching her tickle HIM!  Trust me.  This gift will be killer.

I also bought my mom a locket.  She has bought her daughters lockets and will put her picture in them and we will get them when she’s gone.  This is morbid.  It makes my skin crawl, I’m not gonna lie.  I didn’t really know what to buy her for Christmas.  So I decided to get her a locket and put a picture that I really love of the two of us in it.  I will then bury it with her.  And, I also told this story to the jewelry counter girl at the Walmarts.  Had she not made me stand there so long waiting for her to acknowledge me while she tried on a myriad of watches, I wouldn’t have bothered telling the story.  But, she pissed me off, and I wanted to make her pay.  Nothing like a little dose of death to do the trick.

The locket is silver with a pink rosy thing on it and its engraved with “forever in my heart”.  I think this, also, will be a stellar gift.  I’m on a roll.

And, with nothing really to segue into this:  My dog really likes to dominate.  If you are sitting on the couch, she will come and put her paws on either shoulder and just stand there with her chest in your face.  I can’t figure out if she just wants her belly rubbed, or if she wants to play-fight.  Either makes her happy.

I’ve found, recently, that she really likes it when you pretend to bite her while she is pretend biting you.  So, I do it.  Sure, I come out with a mouth full of dog hairs, but she’s having the effing time of her life.  She play-bites my arm, I play-bite hers.  Oh, and you also have to growl.  But, she really doesn’t like a real sounding growl.  If I really growl like her, she looks around to see what in the hell that was.  She likes a fake sounding growl.  So, I do it.

I’m obviously spending way to much time with Dharma.

But, really?  Who could blame me?