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Jennifer!  You’ve just been laid off!  What are you going to do next?

I’m goin’ to Disney World!!!

(totally stole that from Erin)

Yes Darlings…I’ve been kicked to the curb.  But that is okay.  See?  Now I will have nothing but time to devote to belated birthday gifts, prize winners, and just general Fun Mail to my friends.  How’s that?!

I will get paid to do nothing.  I am not going to complain about this. 

I will have time to hang out with my mom.  And, my kid.  This is excellent.

Its not the act of being laid off.  Its just a bummer that I won’t be going to a place that I love to go to everyday. 

I will bake…ish.  I will paint the kitchen (after I clean the tops of the cupboards).  I will rake the leaves.  I will walk Holden to and from school (no more daycare!!!)  My dog will not need to be crated!  I will go to my mom’s house for coffee.  Who is the boss of me, now?  ME!!  Woopah!

Plus, my co-workers and I have decided to tell people that my boss had to let me go because I have a drinking problem.  This will be fun!  I cannot wait!  I love starting rumors about myself!

It is an amicable break.  I ain’t hatin’ on those people.  Business is slow.  (I’m not totally going to lie, though.  I’ve been here for 10 years…I am sad.)

But!!!  I’m going to Disney tomorrow.  DISNEY WORLD.  I made autograph books for my neice and nephew, and for Holden.  And, for Sister Mik.  And, for me!   (And then I totally had to make one for BH…he’s such a baby.)

Thats actually kind of a funny story…Last nite BH was putting the kid to bed and Holden told him about our autograph books.  BH said that he just wants to get that mermaid’s autograph because she is hot.  Holden asked him if he was “cheating on mom?”  Where he comes up with this stuff is beyond me.  One time they went to a football game in Detroit and Miss Michigan was there signing pictures of herself.  BH suggested that he and Holden go get one.  Holden was very concerned that I would be jealous, and that “daddy just loves too many women”.  I like this kid.  He’s my champion.

So, that about covers it on my end.  Hopefully I will be blogging from Disney, and definitely I’ll be blogging more, period.  You know, providing Big Hands has our interweb up and running as soon as we get back.

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I’m done with my Palahniuk book, and gladly so.  It started out okay, the middle was boooooring my pants off (literally.  One minute I was reading, the next, my pants were down around my ankles.  Disturbing?  Maybe.  BH rather liked it.), but the last bit made me almost cry on several different occasions.  So I guess it ended up okay.  I love to cry.

Now, I’m reading my dearest Chuck Klosterman again.  This one.  The more I read him, the more I realize why I get it.  He cares about very little of what everyone else cares about.  He just cares very little.  Me too.  Periphery; we spit in your general direction.

Mr. Klosterman (may I call you Chuck?),  should you ever google yourself, and find an inordinate amount of prattle about yourself here at this little site, I just want to say, Hi.  The part about Quincy, and the mowing the lawn catty corner?  Yeah.  I often wonder if that’s how my (now) husband felt when I told him I was pregnant.  And, I think he has settled into this life quite well.  And, I think he likes it pretty okay.  Also, the part about D.C. and the history?  Me  too.  Doesn’t interest me.  I’d like to say I feel bad about it.  But, I don’t.  If you are Mr. Right Now, well, then, I’m your Missus.  There’s probably lots more, but I’m only that far in the book.

Also, don’t worry.  I’m entirely too lazy to track you down and stalk you.  Really.  Do not worry.

There’s still no internet at the BHandjen household.  It is driving me mad.  Okay, so its really not, but I’d like to think it would.  If we go too much longer without it, I may end up insane.  For now, though, it gives me time to start on all those projects I’ve promised everybody.

Would you like to know what will make you The Most Popular Person In Your House?  White chocolate covered pretzels, that’s what.  I made them for a movie snack for Holden and I.  Big Hands was pleased as well.  There you go.  Don’t say I never gave you any sage advice.

Holden and I watched scary movies on Nick, or Cartoon Network.  And, by scary, I mean not scary at all.  Except for this one called The Haunting Hour?  That shit kind of scared the crap out of me, and Holden’s all like, “Don’t worry Mom.  If it gets to be too much, you just let me know.  I’ve got my finger right on the ‘last’ button, and we can go back to Drake and Josh, if you get too scared.”  And, just in case you are wondering, I DID make him go back to Drake and Josh.  One, because I really like Josh, okay?  And, two?  The monster was kind of making me a little nervous.  We also watched Twitches Too (or Two, I can’t really remember).  That one was more dumb than scary, but he’s been waiting for it since September.

I don’t like Horror Movies, Okay?  Friday the Thirteenth; never saw it.  Halloween?  Nope.  Those Elm Street movies, not a chance.  I started watching Hostel with BH one night, but within the first 15 minutes I’m watching it with my hands over my eyes, and then I heard a drill and put my thumbs in my ears, so I decided to go into the bedroom and watch Letterman.

Though, I will tell you, I love ghosts, vampires and witches.  Just not as much as I love Jesus.  And, definitely not the scary kind.  Or the masked kind.

I DID watch every single episode of Gossip Girl on Sunday.  Thank you MTV, for replaying them.  I salute you.  I am now hooked on this show.  I have not yet checked out the CW listings to see when it plays.  Hopefully it will not be on at a time when I am watching something else.  This show is awesome.  I know how you are looking at me.  With your superiority.  Please.  We’re all friends here.  Let’s not pretend that we are all too grown up and too smart to watch such tripe.  If you say that, you are a liar.

We all hold onto some sophomoric naughty.  Teen TV is mine.  What’s yours? Do tell!  If you say that you don’t have one, I will know that you are telling tall tales.  I think the most grown up thing a gal can do is admit that she is still a child.

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Gossip Girl, Wednesdays at 9pm.  CW.  Hollah.  Can watch it right after Pushing Daisies!  BH has band practice.  This is God at work.  (when you are me?  You appreciate the small things.)

First of all?  The internets have not been at my home all week long.  This makes me sad.

Secondly, you all crack me up with your stories of precious gifties, when I talk about receiving a McDonald’s clothing line sweater from Kid’s R Us at the age of 14.

And, because one of you is already receiving something from me as a “thanks for the yum yums”, the winner of this here contest is none other than Carrie over at Glamorous Redneck.  I, too, remember my first stereo.  It was awesome.

None of you, however, beat my sweater.  That shit is funny. 

Now dear Carrie, I belong to the I Work Slowly Club.  But this is what you will be receiving: a calendar!!  Hand crafted!  I made one for my mom last year and she loved it.  This will not be your regular boring calendar…its fun.  So, I’ll email you later, and get your bizness!!  Congratulations CARRIE!!!

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In other important news, because I have missed you so much…Have you been watching Pushing Daisies on Wednesday nights???   You should be.  This show is good.  Its  minimalistic and aesthetically pleasing.  I mean, its to the point and beautiful like a dream.  I love this show.  You should too.

Also, I really like The Reaper on the CW.  It really makes me laught.  Though I will allow that I am extremely easily amused.  I started watching it only because I’d heard that Kevin Smith was directing the pilot.  If you are my age, you should like Kevin Smith.  This is not a question I’m asking;  I’m telling you.  If you don’t like him, then you simply are not my age.  The end.

That book by Chuck Palahniuk that I am reading is not hitting my spot.  I will persevere!  He did mention something about Amy Hempel, and by highlighting her name there?  I am strongly suggesting that you go there and you read that short story.  Its probably one of my favorite shorts.  My first favorite is Johns Updike’s A&P.  Another suggested reading.  I’m going there to re-read now.

See now?  I remember where I was going with that last post

Because getting is so darn fun (I love me some presents…) I would like to jump on the old bandwagon of giving.

You comment, you get handmade loving from yours truly.  I know.  This is BIG TIME STUFF. 

I’m totally ripping this little game off from everybody on the internets, but really?  Who does not like to receive mail from a stranger?  Nobody, that’s who.

Here’s the deal, you tell me the best gift you ever received (children are strictly off limits, okay?  Der.) and I will put your memories in front of a jury of my peers and we will decide who gets the mystery wonderment of my hand crafting.

I’ll give you a couple to get your juice flowing:  My high school boyfriend gave me a spatula.  Ever seen UHF?  Yeah, what better way to say I love you than with the gift of a spatula?

My great grandmother once gave me a red knit sweater with the words “Do you want some fries with that shake” stitched onto it in a super great shade of mustard yellow.  There was a box of french fries on it as well.  I was 14.

I want those kind of stories.

Ta da! 

Because it takes some of you ages to read…I will give you one week.  One Week, Ducks.

Before I started blogging I was a little hinky about this stuff.  I mean, really.  Who cares about the doldrums of my life? (apparently you, you big suckers!!)  And, what do I care about YOUR doldrums?  (I do…I deeply care.  jen is a deeply caring person.  jen is a deeply voyeuristic person.) (okay, I just looked up “voyeur” and that is not me.  criminy!  I like to watch…you know like look at your life, but I don’t really want to see your sex organs.  or do i???)

BUT!  Over the year, or almost year or whatever (I was somewhere else before I was here)…I find that this is deeply gratifying.  And, even though I sometimes have trouble pinpointing the exact definition of our relationship, I realize that I definitely have made some friends out here.  And, Erin, you certainly are one of those people!

Because see…Erin makes stuff, like grape jelly.  And, do you know who likes grape jelly?  Me.  And do you know who sent me some grape jelly?  Erin.  I can only assume this is because she loves me and we are meant to be together.  PLUS, I am very easy, and believe that friendship can be bought with grape jelly.  And, heartwarming (albeit sloppily handwritten ;)) cards.  With Mobile Stations on them.  So there.  I heart Erin.

This jelly?  Ooooooooooooooo.   Mmmmmmmmmm. 

And there is Heather, whom I have loved for almost a year.  This is why:  Heather has fantastic shoes, and rubs elbows with the likes of Hanson. (okay, you know I love you for more reasons than that…xo) 

I met Cool Beans through another blog we frequent.  We bonded over our love for Justin Timberlake.  This girl has helped me, on more than one occasion, fix this here site and help me navigate WP.  Thank you!!

Apparently Super Blond and I are married to the same man…

I love the internets.  My life is definitely more well rounded because of all of you.  And, I always appreciate the kind words or funny jokes you leave in my comments.

Okay, so that’s that.  It feels like there should be more, but I currently have three kids here talking allatonce and I can’t type and listen to kid babble at the same time.  I am not this talented.

I don’t have a damn thing to say. Just wanted to get out of that other post. Not make you guys feel so ookley anymore.

ALSO, I just finished Into The Wild.  It was good.  Jon Krakauer is a great writer, no doubt.  I just wasn’t sympathetic to the character.  I thought he was selfish.  The end.  Still can’t wait to see the movie.  I’m just going to pretend its fiction and then I think it will really move me.  Plus Eddie Vedder did all the music for the sound track, and I love me some Eddie Vedder.  Plus Emile Hirsch is in this movie and I think that he is adorable.  Plus the whole Sean Penn thing…Hearts and whatnot.

SO…now I read this.  But, only because BH is reading this, and I have to wait for him to finish it first.  I really want to read Run by Ann-Patchett, but I want to exhaust all the reading material that I have in my house first before going out and buying a new book.  Go to the library, they say.  Can’t do it, I’m afraid.  You cannot bend the spines and dog tag the pages of library books.  Bending and folding pages is how I show a book it is loved.

Big Hands is behind me now, playing his bass.  He just got a new peddle for it, and is messing around.  I cannot think properly.  Can’t…concentrate…Need quiet…

And, one last thing?  This sucks so very badly that I almost tried to smother myself with a throw pillow to end the pain.  There is nothing on TV on Tuesday.