I went to my little brother’s soccer game tonite.  I say “little”, though this kid is 6’3″.  He’s not so little…

So the game ends and the team is on the other end of the field, and we (the crowd) are all clapping in that Oh, This Was So Fun To Watch You All Kick That Ball Around kind of way and then all of the sudden, the team starts walking TOWARD us in a line.  And, they are clapping for us.

This was new for me.  New and WONDERFUL!!

I’ve made a decision.  And, that is I like people to clap for me.  I think MORE people should clap for me.  It makes me feel Good.  I like to feel good.  And, Happy.  Nothing is better than people clapping for you when you have done very little to deserve applause.

I had to take a test at work the other day.  Nobody clapped for me when I was done.  What a bust.

Yes.  A test.  I told my Dear Boss that this is absurd.  I didn’t further my higher education for this very Test Taking reason.  Tests suck.  Yes.  A test.  At work.  A test, I will tell you, for something that normally, and ritually, a computer does for us.  There is this program that does this Thing when we input the numbers, and it gives us the answers!  Why, then, must you teach us how to do it long hand?  I embrace the technology!!  Seriously, if there was a computer program that would take care of my kid and watch tv for me?  I would sit around with my hands down my pants and slobber.

I am lazy.  I’m not gonna lie.

Okay, so in my heart I am lazy.  In my life I actually DO stuff.  But, I don’t like it.  I may be vaccuming on the outside, but on the inside?  I’m slobbering.

Tests are probably the main reason that I went into Theatre.  After I had completed my core requirements, and realized that I hated teenagers, memorizing lines and saying them out loud to a bunch of people who would eventually clap for me…this just seemed the obvious path for me.  Two roads diverged in a path and I?  I took the one where there were no tests.  Because I hate them.

Not that there were NO tests.  I mean, there were.  But they weren’t hard or anything.  The hardest part about Performing Arts, for me, was that they expected me to paint the sets.  And, I’ll tell you:  I did not get into this to work.  Sheesh.  Painting sets is for people who can’t act.  Der.

Not that I ever wanted to use this gift in the Real World.  I didn’t want to move to New York and light up the big screen.  It was something I was good at.  It allowed me to live the college dream.  I am thankful for that.  It made college fun!  But, then again, so did the Marijuana!

In hindsight, I can see what a waste that was.  I am always telling Holden not to waste his talents (he is gifted with the music).  Which is why we make him take a musicality class, as well as piano lessons.  Make him? You ask.  Yes.  He is eight.  My house my rules.  Suck it.

I tell Holden that we give Glory to God when we use our talents.  And, I really feel that he’s got a gift that just needs to be cultured.  When he is old enough (read: when he no longer lives under my roof) he can decide for himself what he wants to do.  

Sometimes this makes me feel very hypocritical.  But I realize that as we get older, our talents change.  I know now that my talent is for being a Good Mother.  And, and Excellent Wife.  And, I don’t feel bad about that.  Meaning, I don’t really feel like I’ve given up my Old Self for this New Self which is different (but not really so much) than who I’ve always been.

I like who I’ve become, and I’m very comfortable in my skin.  I try not to get hung up on the Coulda Beens.  Because they Aren’t.  And, I’m trying real hard to deal in the Now.

So, its okay that I’m not on the Soaps.
And, its okay that every now and then I have to take a stupid test that I’m not even getting and Effing grade on.

I can smile with delite every day of my life, because in the next room?  My son is laughing his fool head off watching Freaky Friday, and man, if that doesn’t sound like clapping to me.