So…I won’t be doing that again any time soon.  I’m just going to stick to things that I know I know about.  Like knockoff Coach bags and Real Estate. (Step to me regarding this market.  I dare you.)

Politics just gives me irritable bowels, and then sometimes I want to Say Something.  Immediately I would like to retract everything I said.  Not because of the way I feel, but because of the way I SAY the way I feel.  And, mostly its because I don’t really know how I feel about politics.  Only that it makes me feel ookly inside.

So; Politics?  Out.  Quite like Senator Craig.

Also?  I’ll never get pregnant again.  Which, even when I write it down makes my insides flip with joy, and I have to muffle laughter!

I will never tight roll a pair of jeans again.  I promise this to you.  Neverever.

A permanent.  Of course, I haven’t had one of those since the eighth grade, anyway, but it is my covenant that I wil never get another.  (why my mother would have done that to me in the first place is BEYOND me.  I was rail thin with a pencil neck and you throw a fro on me.  Nice, Sue.  Real nice.  “Hi!  This is my daughter Jen.  She looks like a Q-Tip!”)

I’ll never volunteer for another PTO sponsored whatsit at Holden’s school again.  Them bitches is scary.  I’m sure that you and you would never run your PTO like these awful women.    While I don’t hate anyone, my dislike for these people comes really close to that hate line.  (Okay, you caught me.  That was a blatant lie.  I hate a really lot of people.  This being the biggest reason I’ll go to hell.  See you there…)

I will never get married again.  But!  If I do?  I’m having a really big wedding next time!!  I’m still wearing the same dress because that was the bomb dizzle, but there will be more people.  And, a buffet!  And, a dance floor!  And, a different Matron of Honor!  Maybe I’ll just marry BH again.  Though, it took like seven years to talk him into it the first time.  I’d never be able to sucker him into it again…damn the torpedos!

I was almost going to say just now that I would never color my hair again.  I haven’t in 3 years or so.  But, I want to be honest with you.  There is a box of color in my bedroom right now.  It promises to bring out the highlights in my hair.  I believe in the box.  So, how about, I will never accidentally color my hair purple again.  (Thanks for that,Very First Roomate Ever.)

There.  This pithy post has me feeling back to my old self again.  I assure you that while I am Smart and I do have a lot of Thoughts, my real skillz  are better served writing about the inane.

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