*7/14/08 authors note:   i know you’re reading this.  i know you’ve searched the internets for “smoking cigarettes and watching captain kangaroo.  i know this because my blog tells me so.  hey!  where ya going?  stick around….read some more. i mean, you’re already here and everything.  and, i like you, i do.  i think yer purdy. lets be friends!

Okay, well here it is:  I smoke.

Oh sweet heaven, and do I ever love it.  Oh! There are no words!  Well, there are, and I will tell them to you.

I love to smoke in my car.  I love to turn Timbaland up so loud that the bass is giving me a back massage, and smokity smoke smoke smoke.  GAH!

When Denis Leary said he was trying to quit a little part of me died inside.

I love the way a cigarette feels in my hand.  Thats the best part for me.  And then?  When you haven’t had one in a while, and then you DO have one?  Oh, you don’t even know how you possibly have not had one in the last 8 hours.

I love the lighter, or the match.  I love the rush of thinking you do not have a lighter or a match, and then, after digging through your monstrosity of a bag, you FIND ONE!  Complete exhilaration.  Joy!

And, I love OTHER smokers.  Whenever I meet someone who smokes, I want to immediately give them a Badge that says Fuck You, Everybody Else!!!  And, then I want to be bff’s with them.  Its a bond.  It really is.  If you don’t smoke?  You have no idea.  We are our own sub culture.

I will tell you how I started smoking.  I worked at a camp for the summer between my first and second years in college.  A christian camp that I went to as a camper.  I loved this camp.  Still do.  I will tell you though?  Send your kid there; great experience.  Utter Fundom.  But know this: at night when your 8th-11th grade children are sleeping in their bunks?  Staffers are on the shores of Lake Michigan smoking pot and getting drunk.  Not me, of course.  Seriously.  I was extremely virginal until my SECOND year in college.

HOWEVER, some of the girls I knewwould “smoke when they drank”.  Oh, good Lord.  Don’t be a pussy, okay.  Either smoke or do not.  This is one thing I do not ride the fence about.  Make. A. Commitment.

And, so then yeah.  That’s when it started.  Then I read Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins.  These people smoked Camels.  So, then, did I.  (see how easily swayed I am?)

I do not smoke Camels anymore.

And, I don’t smoke ever in front of Holden or at home.  Mostly because I do not want to get caught by him.  Why?  Oh, because “people who smoke are doing drugs and drugs are illegal.”  Because he is wise beyond my years.

And, yes.  I realize what this is doing to my body.  And, yes, I do know that my mother has cancer, and What In The World Am I Thinking!

I know, I know, I know, I know.

Shuddap already!

I’m trying.  I am.  I AM.

I think Cool Beans thought this would be cathartic for me.  But really?  Just made me want to have a cigarette.