This is what I am doing now:  PMSing.  Up at 2:36am.  Can’t sleep, too hot.  Even though I’m fairly certain that it is seven below zero outside.  Gah.

I used to watch reruns of Roseanne on Nick at Nite when I woke up at this time of morning.  Now?  Oh, I have YOU internets!  You are so fabulous!

The older I get, the weirder my body is.  After I turned thirty I started breaking out.  Never before had I ever gotten a pimple.  Not even during puberty.  Thanks God!  I do so love being a Thirty Two Year Old Thirteen Year Old.  Its totally awesome.

And, I get night sweats all of the sudden.  I know.  Sexy!

I also undulate between raging lunatic and weepy woman when pmsing.  This week?  You are witnessing Crybaby Jen aka Jen Who Is Feeling Sorry for Herself.  And, I hate this jen.  She is a big baby and she is pissing me off!

In the car this evening I started crying over Ben Harper.  Now, he usually makes me cry.  I heart him, and he has the voice of a thousand angels.  I don’t really hold it against him that he is married to Laura Dern.  Hey.  She’s not my bag of potatoes, okay?  But, Ben.  If you love her, I love you for loving her.

(See internets?  Ben and I?  We are like this.)

But, the song wasn’t really even about anything sad.  It was about Loving Someone.  And, because, I?  I love someone?  Yeah, lets cry about that, shall we?  Yes indeed we shall.

Also?  I lose the ability to cook.  And, I am a pretty good cook.  Look at my husband!  He is a pretty good eater of the food I cook.  But tonite?  Oh, I forget how to make RICE.  Yes.  I know.  2 cups water to 1 cup rice.  Der, right?  Only tonite it was 1 cup water to 1 cup rice.   You cannot fix this problem, internets.  Especially if you find out you’ve done this AFTER the twenty minute cooking time is over.  SO.  There goes that.  And, that was gonna be some tasty rice, too.

And, I get extremely self conscious.  No.  Thats not the word I’m looking for…Usually?  I’m not a dweller.  Crap happens; move on.  I don’t generally feel sorry for myself, and I don’t complain about stuff that I can help myself.

I say to myself, “Self?  Do you have cancer?  NO????  You don’t?  Then shut up and exercise or something, okay?  Good.”

Seriously, this is what happens in my head.

But, pms causes me to break from my normal self, and I’m all like…Oh I’m so bloaty and Ugh, my hair, and blah blah blah.  It disgusts even my own self.  Gah.  And, I get so neeeedy.  GEEEZ.  In my head Im all like Is he mad at me?  Is she mad at me?  PUKE!!

 I need to get a hold of myself here.  And, when I need to get a hold of myself, I like to make lists!  Lists are even better than Roseanne!!  Lists keep order in the house.  I find that I am even more OCD every day…Here’s a list of stuff that I keep telling myself that I’m going to start doing and then never actually do it.

1. Get Up Early and Exercise. 

2. Quit that habit I have once and for all.  Even though I don’t really want to quit doing this thing.  Because I love this thing and I want to marry it.  But, I have to quit doing it cuz its a nasty little habit even though I hardly ever do it anymore. 

3. Have Holden write a little in his journal EVERYDAY!  He needs to work on focusing on the task at hand.  School is almost starting. (Oh, ps.  Internets?  Holden hates to write.  This is because he thinks he is not good at it, so he doesn’t even like to try.  He’d rather do math, or read.  Because that’s easy.  SO, do you have any suggestions on how to help him like to write a little more?  Or focusing on writing?  I am all ears.)

4.  Buy a pair of jeans that fit.

OR

5.  Quit eating entire loaves of homeade bread.  That might help.

6.  Go to the eye doctor.  I mean seriously.  You can’t even SEE anything.

7.  Um.  Send that check to NPR already!

8.  Sew something.  You have the machine.  You have the material.  Do it.  Do it NOW!

Okay.  I’m having sleepy time now.  Thank you for helping me through this bit of insomnia.

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