Some Very Randomness, and also the Infection in my Bladder

Church Boy and I went up North last weekend.  If  you are from Michigan, Up North is the place to be.  Especially in the Summertime.  Windy roads, trees all over, hills, water, sand dunes.   Love it.

We went Up There because my Totall BFF’s husband is a competitive canoeist and last weekend was the Au Sable Marathon.  Race starts at 9 pm on Saturday night and finishes around noonish on Sunday.  Those dudes are canoeing for 15 hours.  They pee on themselves.  Its disgusting, really.

Church Boy had never been to a race before and I hadn’t been in about 19 years (that was when my Total Bff’s husband was still dating my Total Bff’s sister.  We put the “fun” in dysfunction!!)

There are many stop points along the river and you follow the race all through the night.  Well, some people do.  CB and I followed til about 11 pm and then met up with them again at 9 am Sunday.

We had so much fun!  Even though we were tent camping and it rained on and off the whole weekend…it was a lot of fun. 

Sucky part?  Soon as I get home I’m all like, Hey…it hurts to pee.  So I go to the Dr. and I have a bladder infection.  My neice, Chloe, asked how I got it.  I told her I went potty in so many gross portapotties this weekend, who knows what crawled up there and died.  Grr.  And also?  Ow.

Speaking of crawling up there and dying…my sister Rachael used to Blog.  Remember, Rach?  I was just re-reading her posts, and you should too, cuz she’s funny.  And touching (like Josh Grobin.  Not like Michael Jackson)(and don’t give me any shit about that MJ dig.  I love Thriller, okay?)  And, she loves me.  She’s on my list right there on the side.  She’s my Sister Girl.

My son recently had this conversation with me:

He:  Can you keep a secret?
Me:  Mayyyybeeeee

aside: you see how well I’m keeping that secret, World Wide Web?  Tell me yours!!

He:  I think Daddy likes That Homewrecking Whore.

aside:  ‘cept he called her by her name.

Me:  Oh yeah?  What makes you think that?
He:  They text NON STOP, and it isn’t about work.

aside:  oh yeah….they work together.  She’s his assistant!  Der!  Who doesn’t want to get a divorce when they can schtoop their secretary instead!!

Me:  Buddy, don’t read your dad’s texts.
He:  Oh I’m not.  But sometimes, when I’m playing Pocket God on Dad’s iphone, she pops up, so I just scroll down to see how many times she’s texted him.
Me:  Dude.  Do NOT read your dad’s texts.
He:  I’m SO not!
He:  It will be really hard for them if they get married!
Me:  Why’s that?
He:  Well, they WORK together!  I mean, that would be taking “til death do us part” to a whole nother level!
Me:  Why?
He:  Well, because if you live together and work together, death IS the only time you get apart!!

I told him not to worry because daddy really doesn’t take those vows very seriously that YES, that would be really hard!

Another:

He:  I like Church Boy, but I’m just never going to be able to have an alleged conversation about Faeries with him…
Me:  Why’s that?
He:  Well, because I don’t think he really believes like you do.
Me:  Can you have an alleged conversation about Faeries with daddy?
He:  (look of aghastedness)NO!  I don’t even mention them in the house…

Everyday, I am thankful for such a well adjusted child.

I’ve been sitting here through this whole post, dreading what is coming next…I have to go to the bathroom.
Grr.  And also?  Ow.

All the Things I Love to Put in My Mouth

(That title is for you, Missy Lou!!)

I like to eat.  I mean, I LERVE to eat.  Love it.  Its really my favorite thing to do.  On a rainy day?  Eat.  On a sunny day?  Eat.  Windy?  Food.  When I’m sad, I eat.  Also, when I’m happy.  

I also love to read cookbooks.  Right now I’m reading Orangette’s Book , and it really is mouthwateringly witty.  Fo Sho.  One night, I just went thru it and read all the delicious recipes to Church Boy.  He likes to eat too.  I can’t wait to have a proper kitchen again (someday…sigh…) so that I can prepare some food stuffs.  Specifically some Butternut Squash Soup.  It has pears in it.  I am happy just thinking about it.  That’s what we are going to be someday, Church Boy and I; Fat and Happy.  He doesn’t see the problem with this.  I said well, I want to be Happy then.  He says fine.  I say, well I don’t want YOU to be Fat either.  (Though, really?  I don’t think I’ll need to worry about that.  He’s a runner.  Have I mentioned his ass?  Gah.)  (Oh and he also lifts weights.  Squats, even.  Squats weights in excess of a whole me.  Gah, and Oh!)

So, yeah, eating and being a general generic foodie is really my passion.  I’ve eaten lots of yummy things, and I thought that it would only be fair that I share the Yummy Things I’ve Eaten with you.

Bar None THE Yummiest of Things I’ve Eaten

Several years ago in Chicago, my sister in law, Vanessa, took us to brunch at a little place called The Bongo Room.  I had french toast.  I know:  woo hoo.  But this was no ordinary breakfast fare.  It was French TOAST!!!!!

It was thick french bread.  Baked to perfection.  With ripe bananas, crunchy pecans, light and fluffy toffee butter and rich, delicious maple syrup.  And, it was a healthy serving, too.  But, don’t worry, I finished it all.

The beautiful part of this meal was the toffee butter.  I don’t know how they did it.  It was, as I mentioned, light and fluffy.  Real butter.  With toffee in it.  Whoduthunk?

I have tried, for five years, to replicate this recipe.  I have come close, but not even touched upon this breakfast’s wonderment.  I can’t get the butter right.  Good Lord on Friday, that was good!  I can taste it right now.   Yummyumyummy.  Yum. 

The next time I visited Ness, I asked that we Brunch at Bongo.  We did.  My mouth was watering.  Literally.  Spittle was running down my chin.  We were seated.  We were menu’d.  Then, the saddest thing ever happened:  The dish was no longer on the menu.

I’m sure I had something good instead, but I’ll be damned if I remember what the hell it was…

The Second Yummiest Thing I Have Put into my Piehole

Again.  Chicago.  I think all of the Tasty Treats I’ve eaten come straight from the belly of ChiTown.  Also, again with the brunch, and again with the french toast.  The restaurant was Feast. 

These trendy restaurants are always my favorites.  Also, and diner with one name is going to be good.  Also, places that only seat about fourteen people, are the best.  I don’t know how we didn’t have to wait in line, but we got right in!  (And, also?  It seats more than fourteen people.  I was exaggerating.)

This one was made with challah.  It had some berry compote and cream running all over it.   It was so sweet.  And, also, creamy.  And perfect.  And tasty.  And delicious.  And yummy.  So so yummy.

There was no point in trying to recreate this delicacy.  I don’t even want to.  I couldn’t.  I don’t want to disappoint my own self, and undoubtedly, I would. 

I will just cherish it in my head.  Cuz, if I ever get to Feast again, it prolly won’t be on the menu.

And, Thirdly?  More of the Same

Chicago.  June, 2009.  The place: Meli’s Diner in Greektown.  Brunch.  This time, with no husband in tow, I was on a budget.  Typically, I wouldn’t go spending a trillion dollars on breakfast, what, with a H&M so very close, but it had to be done.  When I saw the item (first thing listed on menu) I knew we were meant to be together.  Even if for a short time.

This meal, like every other wonderful meal in Chicago I have eaten, was a chef’s special. 

It was an omelet.  So very fluffy-like.  It was filled with pancetta, goat cheese, and scallions.  The clincher, my friends was this ingredient:  Figs.  Fresh ones.

You may think it sounds like it wouldn’t go together…but whenever I took a bite with a fig in it, the little fig seeds exploded in my mouth with a burst of sweetness, mixed with the tangy flavor of the goat cheese, mixed with the gorgeousness of the pancetta, and the bitiness of the scallion, OH HOLY GRACIOUS!  SO GOODY GOOD!

Other Things That Rank Close

My friend Shawnie makes the most delicious guacamole.  She uses cream cheese, which makes it extra creamy.  If its not at her house when I am?  I take it as a personal affront.  Like she’s on purpose trying to hurt me in my feelings.

Church Boy and I went to Chicago a couple weeks ago and had hot dogs at some little hole in the wall place called Jean and Jude’s.  No sitting, and there are just the bare bones as far as toppings.  Mustard, ketchup, relish and peppers (I nixed the peppers.  Gross!)  The best part is that they top the dog off with fries.  I got a single and it was something like $2.50.  Cheap and delicious.  My fave!

My Gramma makes THE BEST lasagna I’ve ever had.  Cheese Ey.  So delish!  Its perfect.  I’m always for a cheesy dish.  I love  pasta, but could always do without all the meat.  Too many people focus on the ground burger or sausage or whatever other meat they put into the sauce, but I think in any pasta dish it’s the cheese that counts.  Lots of ricotta, mozarella, and cottage cheeses.   Its also one of those familial recipes that gets passed down, and I have yet to get it right.  My lasagna is good, but Gramma’s is divine!

My girlfriends told me about this pizza place in GodForsaken Egypt.  Church Boy and I were suppose to go hiking, but it was raining.  So you know…instead of exercise, we eat pizza.  Took us forever, but we located the yum yum.  Not in Chicago, but Chicago style stuffed pizza.  Holy Moly.  For being in the country in the middle of Nowhere this pizza was probably the best I’ve ever had.  Anywhere.  Ever.

The bottom of the crust was crispy and greasy.  The top of the crust was like a breadstick.  The middle was filled with meat, and the mozarrella was plentiful and gooey.  Whenever you took a piece the cheese pulled til you had to cut it with a knife to release its cheesy grip.  And, it wasn’t wet like most stuffed pizzas are.  It was a BFE Pizza miracle.

Hungry yet?  I am!

Fat and Happy…

I call Happy!

This is me when I look happy

I’m not really a blamer.  I think you make your own happiness, and I think for the most part, you make your own sadness, too.

So I don’t really like to put my Happy or my Sad on another person.  Even when the sad is that a person has been with you for eleven years, you have a son together, and after a mere 31/2 years of marriage, that person decides that, Meh, this just ain’t what I want.

I think that’s an opportunity to reinvent yourself.  Now, don’t get me wrong…I was sad.  Bereft.  Without consolation.  For a while.  Then you know?  I got over it.  Me.  I did that.  Well, me and God.  Sometimes a Plan cannot reveal itself to you until you are willing and ready to see it.

Gabe is a wonderful dad.  He is a super great dad, even.  But, husbandry is not something he was cut out to do.  I don’t think he’ll ever be cut out for it.  But, that’s not my fault.  I did things wrong, too.  It is what it is.

What’s a few cuts and bruises along the way?  Right?  Makes life interesting.

So, I don’t blame Gabe for my Sad.  I can see now, that it wasn’t really where I wanted, or needed, to be.

But, if blame must be appointed, then I will give Gabe this:  He is totally responsible for my Happy.  For, without having been left by my husband, I would not have  been able to fall totally in love with this Boy from my church.

Here is the point in the post where I am going to go on and on about boys.  I may gush…don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I was totally devoted to my husband.  That’s the way it should be.  Oh, now I love me some Zac Efron, and also a little Ryan Gosling, not gonna lie.  But they aren’t Real People, so they don’t count.  When I was married, I only had Real Eyes for my Real Husband.

But, as soon as I moved out, and found myself in the loving arms of my Grandparents; a place where I am finally totally At Home, and Very, Very Content, all the sudden, out of the woodwork, there were boys.  Huh.  I really very like boys, muchly!

And, so here we are: newly single.  But, in the back of my head I’m always saying to myself, “yeah…but you are divorced!  you have a kid!  Its never gonna happen…sorry bout yer luck, Pretty.”

Then this magical thing happened.  I met this guy.  Well, I mean, I’ve known him for quite some time, as he goes to my church, but we got put on the same Sunday School team, so once a month we were forced into each other’s company.

And, I find this guy Really Hot.  He is My Cup Of Tea.

But, you know…I’m divorced, and have a kid.  And, also?  I’m a bit older than he.  So, yeah…that’s never going to happen.

I spend time in the classroom with this guy, and he is hilarious!  He cracks me up.  We chat.  We laugh.  We talk church.  He is great!  We are friends.

Its so nice Being Friends with a Christian Guy.  Gabe and I are just now, after 11 years, figuring out how to be Friends.  And, I’m no religious zealot, but I love me some God, kay?  The other place I feel totally at home in is my church, and it pained me every day that Gabe and I weren’t able to share that.  So it was just super nice to have a boy to talk to about the stuff that happened at church – to bounce information off of.

And, the Boy is very knowlegable, too, Faith-wise.  So that’s cool.  And, I like being friends with him, but see now?  Now I’ve developed this crush.  I mean, I am now in LOOOOOVE with this guy’s faith.  And, also,  his ass is really great.

But, you know…I’m divorced.  And, a mom.  And and old lady.

But, we’re friends, and that’s cool.

But, I love him.

So I tell my Gramma, “Listen.  This is ridiculous.  I no longer have a crush on the Boy.” And, Gramma says, “Okaaaay.”

But, I do.  And everyone knows it too.  My friends, I mean.  I dubbed him Church Boy.  As in, “Man, Church Boy is surely hot.” And, “I am absolutely smitten with Church Boy.”

And-this is where God is teaching me patience- because our friendship grew into a mutual crush, and to make a long story short (too late!) we are dating.

We are an item.

Jenny has a boyfriend!

And, this man?  This Boy from my Church?

Gah, okay.

This is what I have been waiting for.  THIS.  I never knew THIS is what love felt like.  Because you know why?  Love wants YOU to be happy, too.  Love wants YOU to smile.  Love wants to do nice things for YOU.  Love calls you Precious.  Love says this is Special.  Love says you are beautiful.  Love thinks that the fact that you are someones Mommy is Very Sweet.  Love wants YOU to be Godly if that’s what you are after.  Really?  Love is not that much Work.  And, I mean hard labor work.  I can honestly say that I never knew that.

I always thought Love was YOU making sure someone else was happy while YOU sit and suffer silently, because, well, you got yourself into this mess, so in the words of Tim Gunn, “Make it Work!”

I was wrong.

So, while not everybody is going to Get this relationship, frankly, I don’t give a crap.  This is good for me, and you know what?  I deserve a little Happy.

I mean, it took him a little while, but finally, I can blame Gabe for my Happy.

Whoduthunk?

My son has a potty mouth

My neice, Maya, comes in from the backyard yelling, “Holden said a naughty word!!”   I ask if it was “shit”.  She says “yes”.  Holden comes in trailing on her heels saying, “NO I DIDN’T SAY THAT!  I said the Eff Word!”

Well, oh.  Der.

Some kids were calling him names and quite honestly, the damn kids had it coming to him.  I kinda wish he’d have cocked his arm back and nailed the vile little creatures in the mouth!  Instead, he calls then Effing Idiots.

Which, okay…don’t say that, okay buddy?  Come get your mom, and I will inihilate them.  With my fury.  And, also, my fists!

Then the other day we were wrastlin’ around and I landed on him.  He grabs his leg, writhing in pain and says, “Holy Shit!”

I looked at him that way, and the writhing stopped immediately.  He knew what was coming.  I told him if he couldn’t control his potty mouth then I was gonna buy a bar of soap.  Cure this the old fashioned Christmas Story way.  That’d teach him.

But the thing is this: he told me.  He said it In Front Of Me.  To my face.  He’s not sneaking off and swearing at school.  He’s keepin’ it in the family.  So while I want this language to stop, and while I make a point of not swearing in front of him at all, I’m very happy that he’s honest and willing to bear the consequences from me because he knows that I lack any kind of punishment skills whatsoever I love him regardless.

This led to a deep discussion with Gabe (formerly Big Hands, currently Ex-Husband Who No Longer Deserves a Kitschy Nick Name) about our new roles as Parents Parenting a Child in Two Different Homes.

This is not gonna be easy.  We have different ways.  Ways that made sense when we were together, as we balanced each other, but now are things that just make you wonder if you are Doing It Right.

We are.  We will.  This will work because we will make it work.  Because it is different now, and because we will have to compensate for each other.  Even when we are only one phone call away.

Holden will swear.  He’ll probably rage sometimes, too.  But, really?  He’d probably do that if we all lived under the same roof.  It’s neither of our faults that he swore.  His potty mouth has little to do with how we are raising him.  I don’t know where it came from, but I doubt its because his parents are divorced and he has a black hole in his heart.

Who knows where these kids come up with stuff…

They have their own fucking little minds, and shit’s just gonna spout out of it some times, right?  Get off their asses!

When one door closes…you get your own classroom!

I have been trying to find somewhere to volunteer for a while now.

I emailed a local soup kitchen for months and never heard back from them.  I was just about to get discouraged when…

This group from our local university came to our church asking for volunteers.  What?  Hey!  I wanna!!

The organization is run by a church near campus, and it gives the international students a place to come to Bible studies, take English Speaking classes, or get together for Mommy and Me classes with their kids.

I talked to the representative that Sunday in church, and told her that I really thought this sounded fun, and that I would definitely be interested in doing something there.

It took a couple of months for our schedules to align, and today I went in for my first class observation.

It was not short of awesome!  All women.  All Asian Women to be exact.  They were all just sitting around a dinner table yakking.  I can DO that!  So we chatted for like two hours.  Its just a class they can come to in order to brush up on their English.

It just so happens that the current “teacher” of that class is going on a “sabatical” for the summer.  Some of the women asked if I would be there next week.  I told them that I didn’t think that class would be available after today.  They told me that if I came, so would they!

How exciting!  The doors that open when the timing is right…

I’ve emailed the head of the institution and told her I Am All In if she needs me to be.  The girls said they would email her too!

Its so funny how much women  have in common with one another if they gave each other a chance…Even when you are from worlds apart.

I cannot wait to see what this next chapter of my life brings!  Sometimes the door just needs to slam in your face in order for some sense to be knocked into you.

And, thank you for reading me.  Thanks for sticking around.  I do so appreciate it.  Gave me a smile on my face early this morning that lasted the whole day long!

I’m not bitter; I’m BETTER

I still owe you.  And you and you.  I have not forgotten.  I just got lost a little…but I found myself recently. 

I’m not fooling myself that I will have any readers.  But, I’ve been reading you. 

I totally abandoned me.

If you don’t come back, I understand.  I prolly wouldn’t come back to me, either, and I’d totally deserve it.

I’m a horrid girl.

That said, I’m movin’ on.

Divorce papers signed.  Sealed.  Delivered.  And, its okay.  We are okay.  We will be better friends because of this, and Holden is fine.  He’s better than fine.

We are happy together every other week, in our little cottage, with our little Kitty, and our little radio, and our little kitchen table, and our little sofa.  We are happy.  I have never been so happy in all of my adult life.  The possibilities seem endless.

I am happy, and man, I never thought I’d ever get there again.  Ever. 

I’m gettin’ on with the gettin’ on.

I’m scared.  Oh heck yes!  I’m utterly terrified.

But, you know?  God is good.  Who am I to mess with His Perfect Plan?

I’d tell you about my winnings if only I could get my bottom lip off the floor

I thought it would be easier when it was my week with Holden, but Im learning that its only harder.

I’m faced with all the things that make it different when he’s here. 

And, it makes me hate BH.  Just hate him.  And, I don’t want to be that person who hates her ex so very much.  It just feels like I’m not able to give all the things he deserves in this little cottage.

He says he likes it.  He says its just fine.

But, secretly, I think he can’t wait to go home to His Bed.

It just pisses me off.

On a completely different note….I won a contest over at Daryl’s Blog.  It didn’t even take any talent, even.  I was just one of the first three commentors.  I like that kind of contest.

As such, I am paying it forward, as you will have to should you win.

Be the first three commentors and I will send you something Michigan-y.  Like a fricken snow flake or something.

And, man.  I hope I can get over this pouty, sad hump.  Its such a drag.

I love you almost as much as I love Chuck Klosterman.

Dear PRESIDENT ELECT Obama,

I haven’t been able to keep the tears at bay in two days!  My sheer elation has opened the flood gates, of course, and so now I’m crying about everything…but this isn’t about me.

This is about US.

I am so proud to live in this country.  Tuesday night I was prouder than ever.  I really didn’t have any faith that this would REALLY happen.  I mean, I had an inkling, but I had no idea.

I can’t wait to see all the good things you are going to do for our nation.  I know you will.  Do good things, I mean.

I really believe you have our best interest at heart.

Keep on rockin’ in the Free World,

jen

I’m doin’ the work! I’m not a slacker!!

I voted this morning.

This is the first time I have ever voted where there were still “I voted” stickers left for me to take!  I think this is a Good Omen.  I’m going to my total BFF’s house tonite for an Election Party as her husband is out in the woods for the week.

That is another Good Thing about having been left by my husband; my total BFF is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER now.  And, I love this.

My friend Lou sent me some flowers yesterday and the card read “Unbroken Spirits Rock!!!!!!”  Everyone passing my cube said, “Oh what lovely flowers!  Who’re they from?” and I’d say my friend Lou.  They’d ask, “Why?” and then I’d say with a completely straight face – Oh, because my husbands left me.

The look of shock and horror on their faces is worth it almost!  I like to shock and awe.

Move in day went very smoothly.  I’m all in and settled.  The accent walls in the kitchenette in my little “cottage” (which is what I’m making everyone refer to it as…) is Tiffany’s Box Blue and all the other walls in the cottage are a Crisp White.  I. Love. It.  Holden’s room is Navy Thunder Power Ranger Blue per his request.  He hasn’t seen it yet as he’s with his Daddy this week, but he says he’s very excited.

I am so blessed to have this kid who is so easy breezy.

This is not the situation I’d prefer to be in, but its the situation I’m in.  I’m making Lemonade, ladies.  And, my does it taste sweet.

p.s.
Dear Candidate,

Well?  Tonites the Big Night!  Are you totally psyched?  I am!  My fingers and toes are crossed.  I’ll try to wait up till the very end!

Very Excitedly,

jen

Devastation has made me so popular!

Cripe!  If I had known that breaking up my family would bring me this many hits, I’d've done it, like, a year ago or something!

IM JOKING.  I JOKE.  Okay, a little.

You all aren’t commenting, though.  Do it.  Do it now.  Lets make friends, kay?

I get so much traffic due to a post I wrote over a year ago dedicated to my love of cigarettes.  I get about nine hits a day from people Googling “smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo”.  I can’t help but feel sorry for those people as they must have been so very disappointed when they left clicked and were directed here.  I can just imagine it:  Well, shit.  These aren’t the lyrics at all!  Stupid blog!

Ha ha.

Lots of people have wondered if I started smoking again.  I have NOT.  I am not a smoker any more.  I no longer smoke.  I know.   Booooring.  But really?  I haven’t even wanted one this whole time.  (My non-smoking Big Girl Panties have purple flowers on them…)

The other day someone Googled “days of the week panties” and was directed to me!  And, I thought, “why is someone Googling that?“  Dirty, naughty little boy…

My favorite of all time is this one: “the stupis funny shit people write about”.

Nope.  That’s right.  It was stupis.  Apparently here is where you’ll find it.  The stupis funny shit.  Sounds like me in a nut shell.

ps, though?  Thanks for reading.  I do so appreciate it.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; yer pretty.  Let’s be friends.